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Are you a beggar of a chooser? Ok, so school is in session for my robot rebels out here. No time for disclaimers either. So here goes, having standards doesn’t make you boring, unattractive, or unwanted. Any guy that feels that way, should not be granted access to your time, energy, or body, truth be told. Lately the world has been screaming at black women to be easy, screw, chill, and cook all for the free. As my Pops would say, “Where they do that at?” Even I, The Robot Rebel herself, has had to learn that being in a 8 year relationship with my Ex was lame AF. Wanting it to work, wanting him to be with me, blah, blah, blah you know the story. I realized that I too, had succumbed to the “Sex in the City” and somewhat “Be chill & easy” mindset when it came to a man that was unworthy. BUUUUT BABBBBBY! I have completely changed my life.  Last year, I turned off all communication with everyone to focus on myself (FOR REAL). With complete dedication and diligence to myself, I got to the root causes of my poor decisions.  You can read, The Story Behind The Robot Rebel parts I and II , to get more details.  So anywho.. let’s get into this post though!

So here’s the thing, we have adopted the “be easy” approach for far too long enough. Quite frankly, after transitioning into veganism,  (#VeganLifeIsLIT), I no longer want to be that chick! [Yes, food is a gamechanger when it comes to self love, just saying.] Anywho…I am putting myself first in so many ways now, that I am no longer humored or intrigued by the guy that only wants to “Netflix and chill”, isn’t  looking for a relationship, can’t seem to figure out how he feels, or even worse, can’t even communicate. Come on man, I just can’t! As I continue to “do me” if you will, I want to share a few thoughts with you. These three things will help to remove you from a beggar position and place you smack dab into a chooser’s mindset. Pull up a seat, and turn off your smartphone notifications, it’s about to get juicy.

1. Benefit of the doubt passes are for the sick and shut in – “Well we have only gone on three dates.” “Well, he does work nights.” “Well, he did just get out of a relationship.”  Benefit of the doubt passes are evidence of a sad continued pattern of poor standards you continue to support. Out the gate, a man always shows you all he is prepared for and willing to offer you. The key is are you listening? Is ya’ eyes open? Can you hear the words that are coming out of his mouth? Girl, pay attention. Stop calling the desperate princess up, and send for the QUEEN. She does not settle for half full men with broken spirits and low self esteem. Burn the benefit of the doubt passes, I mean like right now… [slides a book of matches across the table, lol].

2. Pay attention to what you say – If you say “I’m not looking for a relationship” well neither is he. If you say “I just want to be cool” , well so does he. If you say “I’m not ready for love”, and he ain’t either. See where I am going with this? Instead of saying what you don’t want, say what you DO WANT. You attract everything you say you “don’t want”. Yes, you heard this before “words are powerful”, well they are. Affirm the positives of your life and what you want for it. Let’s practice, “I deserve a healthy man who listens, is kind, and open to all of life’s possibilities. I want someone I can learn from and grow with.” See how much better than sounds than, “I don’t want no fawk boi” …geesh.

3. Be your perfect mate, literally and figuratively – Do you even want you? What do you want? How do you want it? I am just convinced that some of us women don’t really know how to ask our own selves the questions we ask from men. I am learning that the most important relationship I should ever seek is the one with myself. Then, when I am truly delivered from my own shit, can I attract who I want. A higher frequency is key. When you all low to the ground, any man that comes in your space will also be low to the ground too.

Now print a copy for yourself if this applies and share with a friend who is in dire need of some help. We CHOOSIN’ round these parts! #SelfLove

Rebel on and leave a comment for your girl!



  1. Alicia

    Wow Antres!!! This post is definitely on it. Straight to the point! Love it!!❤️

  2. Zsane Fleming

    “Stop calling the desperate princess up, and send for the QUEEN.” When I tell you that statement literally just changed my life. I going to shift my life to be in alignment with those words. Words are so powerful. I love this post. Love & Light, sis 🌻

  3. V. Taybron

    Are you a beggar or chooser? I am a chooser! I love that you are now living the vegan life. This post was filled with self love by making choices that are right for you. Passes are for the sick and shut in??? Exactly!!! No half ass-ing around here Honey!!! Great job keep spreading this good soul food.


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