Can I keep it real? I have never seen Insecure. First time was Sunday, during Season 2 premier that my entire heart was pulled out of my chest and thrown up against the wall. Ok, dramatic. However, that last scene was intense. I just have not seen this type of story telling on television in a long time. I guess my own life was enough comedy and drama to spare me, so I thought to myself do I really need to watch extra stuff? Nah. So the episode comes on, I’m excited, eager and instantly felt connected to Issa Rae’s character. She is a Rebel. She is a total breath of fresh air, honesty, and conviction to just be herself. I started to ease into the show, and then it happened. “Ole boy getting it in with the new chick on top of the sheets, during the day, on a Sunday.” I took pause. I thought to myself… I just witnessed one hell of a sex scene. A hot and steamy one to say the least. It hit me in the gut, blacked my eye out, busted my lip, just explosive! The scene, ended and I took a deep breath. After watching that, I decided to reach for my emotional seat belt and click that thang securely. The Episode continues. Issa and her bestie carry on the middle of the episode with more witty dialogue and facial expressions… you know “girl frans” kicking it.
So the next gut-wrenching scene slaps me yet again with feelings. Old ones at that. Issa is conflicted with wanting to reach out to her Ex. I myself, all to well know this feeling. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about the “what if’s” cause clearly it just isn’t something currently worth seeking or on my radar. So fast forward to the scene that made me do a 2:54 am Insta Story. The “Ex” couch scene was one for the BOOKS! Let’s just say Issa is probably all messed up in the head, heart, throat, I mean all the Chakra’s! I was devastated for her character (and low-key the old me). I actually couldn’t sleep.
The lesson I gathered after processing that episode was it’s ok to second guess yourself and talk to yourself and talk shit out. Be real about how you feel within yourself, and then think about the most reasonable action you can take that won’t cause you more unnecessary pain. Long story short, I basically almost reached out to my Ex. HOWEVER, I quickly grasped after having that thought, I was back to lying to myself again. I began to realize just how easy it is to lie to yourself about the truth of a situation and how you truly feel. You know the saying, “Accept the things the way they are and not how you want them to be?” Yeah, that part. Take pause in your thoughts before you act. Try to assess through your emotions, desires, and see how you feel after 24 to 48 hours have passed. Ask yourself, “Am I worth more than what I am settling for?” “Is this person capable of giving me what I deserve?” “Is this person even interested in giving me what I deserve?” Sometimes doing what you want and going for what you want is all fine and dandy. Just be prepared for the potential of blowback from the decision you choose to make. If you can rationally sit quietly and let your spirit guide you, you can save some time and spare some energy. This really was an intense, fun, and reflective episode. I may not be ready for more though…GEESH! That episode almost made me feed my past..LMAO! — Anywho… Rebel on.